


Monkey Business

by bambithepenguin



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Hurts (Band)
Genre: Bars and Pubs, Best Friends, Bickering, Festivals, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Hook-Up, Love Confessions, M/M, Morning After, Party, Romance, Swimming Pools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-06 10:51:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4218948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bambithepenguin/pseuds/bambithepenguin





	1. Don't Kiss And Tell

“So, Theo… What’s the toast this time?”

“I don’t know. Does there have to be one to drink fine wine? Well, let it be for another wonderful festival behind.”

“Ah, fuck it. I don’t even remember what I played. The afterparties are more interesting this summer, aren’t they? Is it the fourth time already, by the way?”

“The fourth time this night or the fourth night this summer?” Theo grinned, and Alex pushed him playfully, almost dripping red wine on the white blanket above the disrobed bodies.

“Maths and wine are a bad couple. Let’s just assume both are fourths.”

“Fine!” Theo agreed lightly, and the glasses tinkled together, although the toast remained unclarified. Before Alex made the second sip, Theo emptied his glass in one gulp and buried his head in the crook of Alex’s neck, leaving a line of wine-soaked kisses from the clear-cut collarbone to the cheek that had already become the color of wine. The glass sloped riskily in the guitar-roughened fingers as Alex bent his head behind with a mute sigh to make the neck more accessible. Theo’s airy kisses tickled a little, and Alex exhaled in snickers. It made Theo chuckle too, but he went on even more resolutely, holding Alex on his ruddy cheek and not letting him dodge away.

Even though it was indeed the fourth night when, crossing their paths at a festival, they somehow ended up in a tipsy embrace at a hotel room, Alex still found himself blushing at those tender trifles. Maybe it was because there was an unspoken ban on them outside these occasional nights and hotel rooms. A silent rule formed quickly: as soon as they left the room, to each other they became who they had been before the whole frolic – basically, nobodies. They did not even have each other’s phone numbers, because, in fact, there was no need. Beyond these hookups, they did not talk, and all the needed arrangements could be made during festival encounters.

This unbinding summer amusement was convenient for both – or, at least, seemed to be so. In the line of draining flights, rehearsals and gigs, some guaranteed fun and stress relief was always welcome, especially when it brought none extra responsibility. In the beginning, Theo seemed to Alex like the most carefree person ever, so none far-reaching thoughts even came up. As for Theo, god knows how he really perceived Alex; leastwise, he did nothing out of the set paradigm, which would hardly even pass as “friends with benefits” – it was mostly the second part of the term.   

And so, once again they were reclining in a hotel bed with a bottle of wine, chattering, and kissing while there was unsaid permission.

“How were your festivals this week?” Alex asked casually, clinging closer to Theo and tapping his wrist with the empty glass as a request for a refill. The last festival they had crossed paths at had been just a bit more than a week ago, and Alex was interested whether another meeting had been at least slightly anticipated. He tried to chase away the question whether he had a right to hope for that kind of anticipation.

“Oh, marvelous!” Theo said, putting one arm around Alex and pouring him more wine with another, “The most welcoming audiences and beautiful countries…”

“Is it your cheat sheet for the interviews?”

“Well, I mean it,” Theo shrugged with a smile, “How were yours?”

“A frantic merry-go-round of routine, where the same movements and music become tedious on the fourth circle and the best part is finally coming off and getting candies,” Alex uttered slowly, trying to rephrase the refreshing feeling from the little break in an unobtrusive way.

“Ah, yes, I should’ve brought candies,” Theo giggled, picking up a detail and missing the general point.

“Maybe some other time. I’m all wined now, anyway.”

Both relieved and annoyed that Theo had not caught the hint, Alex fidgeted uncomfortably. Wine was giving him strange urges and questions. Wasn’t it weird that he could dash at Theo right now with all kinds of libidinous stuff and feel appropriate but was not allowed just to tell how much of a lingering ordeal this week of waiting had been? What had even created this scheme, if from the very start there had not been enough liquor to become the base, not a seasoning? When had the well-known set number of actions become not enough?

“Okay. Frankly, can’t agree with you. To me, festivals are immense fun.”

“Well, yeah, they can be. But don’t you ever, like… miss… home?” Alex uttered with difficulty, obviously implying a bit more things to miss, “Some kind of calm and stability?”

“What’s there to miss that much?” Theo shrugged, “All the essential things can be found in every city. And no calm is a part of the fun.”

“What about people?”

“People can be found too,” Theo grinned at Alex who lowered his eyebrows in disdain.

“Do you mean all people are interchangeable?”

“No, of course, not. I just mean, there are a lot of amazing people everywhere, and getting to know them is a huge advantage. You’re terribly missing out if you don’t. Speaking of which, I met a gorgeous girl the other day in France,” Theo pondered aloud, falling into apparently sweet memories, “She was interviewing us for a local channel, and then we met again in the evening. French and English women are so different! I thought, maybe, when the gigs are over, we’ll meet again and… Oh fuck, you look like a heavily wounded soldier!” Theo laughed when Alex suddenly dropped the glass on himself, creating a big red stain on the white blanket above his belly, which really made it look like an improvised bandage upon a wound, “There’s none left to refill! And, judging by your coordination, I don’t think you need more, anyway…”

“I dozed off. Feeling sleepy,” Alex blurted in a tone so sharp as though being called drunk was a major insult.

“Oh, sorry,” Theo mumbled, “I must be talking too much.”

“Can’t deny,” Alex admitted coldly, thinking in what universe Theo considered the story an appropriate thing to tell. To begin with, they were not even such close friends to share such details, and then, after all, why would anyone, lying in bed with a person, pause the caress to tell about his victories with another?

“Okay, I’ll put my tongue to something better now,” Theo promised, bending down to the wine-splattered belly with a smirk, but Alex declined the movement.

“Have I not made it clear enough? I want to sleep.”

“Uh… Fine, but first I’ll go request another blanket.”

“It’s just a fucking small stain,” Alex nagged, his only wish being to wrap up in a blanket, turn away from Theo, and fall asleep. Every second of delay felt like a burnt inch of a dynamite fuse, leading Alex to a hysteric explosion.

“It looks like there’s been a brutal murder here. I’ll better replace it before they have questions, it’s no big deal,” Theo decided, standing up and dragging the blanket from a balking Alex, “Hey, it’s like 5 minutes most, let it go!”

Alex obeyed, making a rebellious grimace, though. He dropped in at the bathroom to wash wine away. While Theo was dressing up, he put on his vest and underpants, now having much less will to sleep naked, no matter how many blankets Theo would bring. For a second, Alex even wanted to leave, but his own hotel was at least 20 minutes away, and Alex was not sure he would manage to find it in the middle of the night, tipsy and sleepy.

As soon as Theo was gone with the seemingly bloodstained blanket, Alex closed his eyes but failed to achieve the hoped-for murk of mind. He thought about Theo’s brief story and how it unsettled him so abruptly. “ _Of course, I knew what we were having, I could guess he wouldn’t lock himself up in this…_ ” Alex pondered, “ _Did I even expect anything else? No, surely not… But still, no kiss-and-tell from him would’ve been nicer in many ways,”_ he kept rummaging in the sudden problem, “ _If I were him, I wouldn’t brag that way. But it’s not that I would get into such a situation, in the first place… And I don’t even have anyone but him at the moment… Some strange commitment I’m having here, it’s totally not good… I need to talk to Miles about it as soon as there’s a chance,_ ” Alex concluded drowsily.

He heard the door open and went on pretending he was sound asleep. In a while, the warm rustle of a new blanket came upon him gently, but Alex showed no sign of being awake. Several soft thuds indicated Theo lying down and settling himself. Whether a guess or a hope, but for a moment it seemed to Alex that Theo was trying to snuggle up to him; however, Alex had intentionally taken a position so hostile that he was hard to approach, and the rustling died down soon. Finally, consciousness left Alex – even though with a doubtful gift of several dreams where the suppressed wishes broke loose and cavorted brightly.

When Alex woke up the next morning, Theo was already astir, dashing around the room, packing, and reading something on his phone as he went. Meeting Alex’s cloudy look, Theo smiled.

“Good morning! Don’t want to sound rude but I have to check out in an hour, just so you know.”

“Could’ve just kicked me awake, if there’s a rush,” Alex mumbled, rubbing his eyes as though to chase the remainder of the dream away. It was too different from real life to endure a comparison.  

“You curled up so cutely. I just couldn’t make myself bother you and hoped for the best,” Theo admitted, throwing several garments into the suitcase, “But now you might want to hurry up, for the convenience of us both.”

Obedient and slightly hurt, Alex trailed to the bathroom, with his eyes down. The dubious thrill of creeping away like a secret lover, but not exactly having that part, barely appealed to him. He would prefer mornings to be not hasty ends but peaceful beginnings, as this time of day was supposed to be, to his mind. Theo caught his hand right before the door, looking a bit guilty.

“I hope you don’t think it’s because I just want to get rid of you as soon as possible?” he asked quietly, not letting go of Alex’s hand, “It’s just… You know how crowded it will get down there, and I’d prefer us not to be seen together. At least not in such questionable circumstances.”

“Uh… yeah, I see,” Alex agreed and added in his mind, “ _It’s not that there’s anything to see beyond the hotel rooms, anyway_.”

“I knew you’d understand. And then… This foolery would better stay between the two of us. I mean, even best mates don’t need to know.”

This time Alex could not conceal an acid remark.

“Sure. After all, between the two of us, I’m not the keen prattler.”

Theo frowned at the covert taunt.

“I haven’t even told Adam!”

“And if you had, I would listen to how you have put it with greatest interest,” Alex sniggered genially, “Would you call it… What did you say? Foolery?”

“Don’t think so. I’ll miss a fantastic opportunity if I don’t call it monkey business.”

Alex burst out laughing. It was hard to keep a grudge against this joyfully smirking face for long, even when he would literally choose a term basing mostly on a pun opportunity. After all, this lightheartedness had appealed to Alex from the very start.

***

During the few days before the next shared festival, thoughts about the secret “foolery” filled a bit more of Alex’s mind than he would like them to. First of all, the very term, said in Theo’s casual voice, was playing in his head non-stop and seemed more insulting every time. Alex assumed that there were plenty of more neutral words to use and avoid the mocking shade. Secondly, the French story and the subsequent anger did not leave Alex in peace and built a disturbing cause-effect chain in his mind. Jealousy was surely taboo in this type of relationship. And, last but not least, Alex caught himself on a sporadic wish to take it to the next level. It was all about little things; even if Theo would just ask for his phone number or suggest a short walk, it would still mean a lot.

In short, by the evening before the desired festival Alex was almost sure he was knee-deep in shit. His imagination had had a lot of time to look through the bright footages of possible outcomes and decide which one would get the prize. It is needless to say that the award-winning film contradicted all the spoken and unspoken rules Theo and Alex had set.

On his way to the festival, Alex decided that patience and moderation should become his closest mates. It would make no sense to give everything away now, when Theo insisted on all kinds of limitations and Alex himself was not sure that his feelings were valid. The opposite would be far easier and more convenient.

In the middle of a conversation with the band at the festival site, Alex finally noticed Theo laughing at something in the distance, and his certainty about the coming trouble cast away the weak “almost” at once. Failing to find a single weighty objection, Alex looked away and lost his point in the middle of a phrase. Luckily, Matt changed the subject, and Alex was happy to keep silent and glance at the giggling chatterbox now and then, both hoping and afraid to be noticed.

After a while, Theo turned his head in Alex’s direction at last. An open-armed smile flourished on his lips, accompanied by a subtle wink. Already overflowing, the pool of Alex’s emotions needed nothing more than this drop to end up in an unthinking flood.

“Just a minute…” Alex murmured to his friends and rushed toward Theo, with no idea about what he was going to say or do. He was driven by the mere concept of being near, and the details did not matter much. Theo, however, did not seem to share the idea. He looked around nervously, like a cornered animal at the sight of a hunter. When the beaming singer had reached him, Theo suddenly jerked forward and tripped him up. Expecting it least, Alex almost flew down and managed to stay on the ground only thanks to an equipment box nearby. Alex failed to find any words to comment on this weird prank and just looked up at Theo with a misunderstanding expression.

“Watch where you’re going, Turner,” Theo declared with a weird, trembling grin. He was rounding his eyes and twitching his head slightly from left and behind, where Adam had lifted a sour expression from his phone, to right and forward, where Matt, Jamie, and Nick were watching the scene tensely. And then Alex understood, but it did not help him to cool down – just the other way round.  

“ _Fucking shit, as if a simple talk does a great deal_ ,” Alex swore internally. Before, Theo was not that paranoid – they had to make plans for the night somehow, after all. How were they supposed to do it with no phone numbers and forbidden interaction in public? Or were they not supposed to make plans anymore? Aggrieved, Alex said aloud, “This is rich coming from a person with the grace of a deer on ice, Hutchcraft.”

“… says a singing windmill,” Theo parried.

“At least the windmill’s static, and your dance moves are more of a crazy hose,” Alex retorted. The point of this bicker slipped away from him, and he could just play along.

“Well, you wouldn’t be able to do the hose, anyway, too much panic for the hair…”

“Look who’s talking. Have hair products soaked your brains?”

“Likewise.”

“For fuck’s sake, how old are you?” Alex blurted out in frustration and tried to leave the sudden battlefield but, making sure nobody was watching closely anymore, Theo gripped his elbow and pushed him behind a truck that blocked most of the view.

“I thought we agreed on this,” he pleaded with his eyebrows curved guiltily, “We don’t want rumors, right?”

“How exactly do you see dragging me behind a huge truck as less provoking, eh?” Alex wondered acidly.

Judging by his discouraged grimace, Theo did not know either.

“Alright, my bad. Sorry. And don’t take everything I’ve said seriously, please. I got carried away.”

“Likewise. What was this for, anyway?”

“Just a little scene for everyone to think we have a neutral-negative relationship,” Theo explained with a faint giggle, making Alex choke with suppressed ironic laughter.

“Neutral-negative?!”

“Yeah. And, anyway, this was fun. Do you know how ridiculous you look when you’re angry?”

Alex, who definitely did not consider this funny and for a moment even believed every jab, shook his head with an unamused expression.

“A bit like Pikachu. Tiny, cute and releasing electric discharges.”

Alex pouted and walked away from the truck, and Theo followed him with a merry skip.

“And here you go again! Will you shout at me in the evening too, just for a laugh?” Theo asked slyly.

The corner of Alex’s mouth twitched up. Theo’s flirting was surely getting progressively weirder and approaching the schoolchild level. However, Alex knew what he was dealing with from the very start.

“Are you out of your mind, Hutchcraft? Fuck off!” suddenly he yelled so loudly that several people around glanced at them again. Grinning at Theo’s struck expression, Alex added in a low voice, “This is for a start. See you soon.”

***

A tickling feeling of a gentle kiss on his shoulder woke Alex up the next morning. He stretched out, his eyes closed, and mumbled drowsily:

“Check-out already?”

“Not yet. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Theo whispered, “Sleep, it’s just 6 a.m.”

“Nah. Now that you’ve woken me up, you’ll have to either entertain me till the check-out or bore me to sleep,” Alex smiled, forcing himself to open his eyes to see Theo’s dreamy face on another pillow, “Which one would you choose?”

“Depends on your opinion on my entertaining abilities.”

“Well, I’ve only really had the luck of experiencing one aspect of your entertaining abilities, and I’m not awake enough for that yet. I’m a big fan, though.”

Theo crawled closer to peck the giggling mouth.

“So sweet of you. I have some other talents, by the way. The skill of storytelling, to start with.”

“And for that, I’m too sleepy already.”

“Fuck off,” Theo laughed and flicked Alex on the nose with his finger, “You haven’t seen the best of me!”

“I’d love to,” Alex avowed in an earnest voice, but his smile gave Theo an impression of irony.

“Hey, don’t you laugh, Alex! I can be very nice and many-sided! By the way, I’ve brought you a whole bag of candies this time, like I promised,” Theo announced, pulling the bag out of the drawer and handing it to Alex proudly.

“Great. Instantly a gentleman, no doubt,” Alex commented with a smirk, shaking the bag and looking inside to choose the tastiest candy.

“Come here, you picky candy man,” Theo grinned and pulled the half-asleep musician into a tight hug. Several sweets fell out of the pocket in the limp hands. Having neither strength nor will to resist, Alex just relaxed to the point when he felt like a sentimental piece of clay, ready to be shaped into anything. But Theo was not willing to shape; he just held Alex around his waist and kissed every spot he could reach. Suddenly, he murmured into Alex’s neck after another kiss:

“You know, we should exchange numbers. Don’t you think?”

“Hm… yeah, I guess,” Alex tried to mask the internal triumph, “Why now?”

“To avoid more awkward scenes. So we can make arrangements by phone.”

Alex’s delight hushed a bit. A permission to approach Theo in public without being reprimanded would be slightly better.

“Yeah, sure,” he agreed nonetheless and handed Theo his phone, “Do it, please, I feel too lazy.”

“Okay. What do I call myself? Just Theo? Or the full name?” Theo asked graciously, tapping on the screen.

“Candy delivery, please.”

“Only if I call you Pikachu in mine.”

“It’s up to you,” Alex crooned blissfully and bent his neck backward to give Theo a sunny look.

“Deal, then,” Theo declared with a laugh, making the final tap.

After a while, both phones were lying on the nightstands again but Theo did not hurry to start a new topic. The morning sunlight, piercing the lightweight curtain, made them squint like idle cats. With his eyes closed, Alex felt like it was that very dream from the previous meeting. His biggest reluctance was opening his eyes and weakening the sensations of Theo’s timid kisses on his neck, the heartening warmth of his embrace, and the taste of chocolate on Alex’s tongue, which somehow tasted the most luxurious and delicious.

“Let’s watch something, maybe?” Theo suggested after a while, reaching for the remote control, and Alex hummed positively. If Theo kept holding him like this, he would agree to watch anything, from Mexican soap operas to Japanese commercials. Theo started switching channels with occasional comments on how weird and interesting the local language sounded and random stories about films and shows the glimpses of which he caught. Alex just agreed silently; he had not joked about being too sleepy for stories. One thing finally awakened him and disturbed the placid mind: Theo lingered on a French fashion show, and that gave Alex a sting, reminding what had ruined the harmony the previous time.

“This is one cool jacket,” Theo praised the picture, “What do you think?”

“Well… yeah… How’s your French girl, by the way?” Alex let the question slip, immediately regretting a voluntary rush towards a sword. However, to his humble joy, Theo wondered confusedly:

“What French girl?”

“Uh… The interviewer or something like that…” Alex pretended to remember the details vaguely.

Theo stared at him, and a whole minute seemed to pass until he cried out:

“Oh! That one! Honestly, no idea. Not something to continue.”

And then, if it was possible, Alex felt even more relaxed than he did before the uncalled-for memory. Despite the mess in terms and functions, at least he apparently was “something to continue”, and, an evasive title it was though, it seemed hopeful.


	2. Silver Lining

By then, the dangerously sentimental turn from the basic route caused no doubts. However, this was true only for Alex, and the situation did not seem to change much on the whole, in spite of the favorable signs. Within the hotel rooms, it was univocal and dreamlike. Alex reveled in kisses and caresses, and Theo tried to arrange every trifle as Alex wanted, whether it was choosing a TV channel or an evening snack. Even some tiny customs formed: the sleeping position, in which Alex’s head was resting on Theo’s shoulder, and some kind of a ceremonial meal, consisting of wine and sweets.

However, as soon as they left the room, all the intimacy, care, and consistency vanished like an actor’s role does after the lights go out. They became strangers again. Keeping everything in the dark made sense to Alex, but exposure was only a part of the problem. The bigger trouble, on the opposite, dwelled on the inside, and it seemed to be the contradiction of plans and wishes – both between the two men and between the initial state and the current one.  

Growing more certain day by day, Alex was not quite satisfied with this state of things. Nights were not enough, however wonderful they were – he wanted days as well. All the tender trifles from Theo seemed more like outstanding pre- and post-hookup civility, and Alex would prefer them to be proven valuable in themselves. But for the time being, it was just a muffled wish. Having little hopes for getting out of the set paradigm, Alex was not going to break it for nothing.

Just as Alex assumed, he got no hoped-for calls before the next shared festival, and the early triumph died down completely, for it was no significant progress when the main reason of contact stayed the same. When Alex’s phone finally buzzed and showed the “Candy delivery” caption, he was getting ready for the festival in his hotel room. Instant fluster came upon him, and Alex mumbled:

“Well, hello.”

“Hey, Pikachu. What’s up?” Theo greeted him with a laugh.

“Got any spare candy, sir?” Alex retorted amiably.

“Kind of. Tonight, if you want it.”

“Hm. What do parents say about grown-up men offering candy?”

“Well, at least I’m clear about my intentions,” Theo noticed after a pause, sounding a bit hurt, “Not really a good comparison, though.”

“Sorry. Sure, let’s meet,” Alex hasted to make up, “Your or my hotel?”

“Come to mine. Hotel Bellevue, google it. By the way, it has a belle vue indeed,” Theo said enthusiastically, “Fascinating old buildings with flower beds at windows, the river in the distance…”

“Fine, but, frankly, when did we ever need the view?..”

“It’s for you, if you want to smoke on the balcony again,” Theo explained, probably with no idea how intangibly romantic Alex had found this. Another thought was bothering him, though.

“Thank you for your concern. Uh… Bellevue… I must’ve heard this name a while ago. Where could it be?”

“Uh… I don’t know. It’s one of the most common names for hotels, I guess. You probably have, like, 20 of them in your hotel history.”

“No, I mean, really just a while ago!” Alex objected. He could not remember a single thing about the circumstances of the previous time when he had heard this name, but for some reason he had a faint feeling that this coincidence could mean something – not really bad, but something to avoid. “It’s hard to explain but I have a fishy feeling about it... Have there been any televised accidents in that hotel lately?”

“Not that I know of. You’re probably mixing something up. It’s a fine hotel, apart from the Wi-Fi speed, but I don’t think it’s the case for you…”

Alex kept silent, still trying to remember. Maybe his objection was connected with something else – for instance, Theo always wanting to, so to speak, play on his own territory and therefore on his terms?

“Come on, Alex,” Theo sighed, “I bet everything’s alright. If you don’t like something, we’ll set off for your hotel straightaway. Or find another one, if you want.”

Theo’s aspiration and regard seemed to take their effect.

“Okay. I’ll call you when I’m done, then. At different stages today, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, but I’ll finish earlier so I’ll have time to investigate the room just in case it’s haunted or something…”

“Good,” Alex laughed heartily, “Have a nice show.”

“You too, dear,” Theo wished, and Alex could almost feel his wily grin through the phone.

***

“Well?” Theo waved his arms around as Alex walked into his room, “Anything disturbing?”

“No,” Alex shook his head, “I have some questions, though…” he added in a seemingly serious manner, treading closer idly.  

“The curtains are hideous, I know, but at least they exist and this is the best part. And yeah, that photograph above the bed is pretty spooky, but, anyway, I…”

“Not room-related,” Alex snapped as he made the final large step to halt within inches from the abashed talker. Looking up at Theo, Alex grasped his chin with a cunning smile. Theo’s parted lips and childlike wide open eyes were too lovely not to play the drama a bit more. “Want to explain anything, maybe?”

“Uh… Me? Explain what?” Theo mumbled in such an overwhelmed voice that Alex felt like the recent festival bicker was almost compensated. Trying to maintain the grave expression, Alex moved forward until Theo receded into the wall. “Alex?..” Theo asked helplessly.

“I saw you in the stage exit, you traitor,” Alex said, now allowing himself a little smile to signify he was not really angry, “And who was the one ranting about not being caught?”

“Fucking seriously?” Theo squeaked, and Alex put his hand down, chuckling, “It’s not the same! I just watched two or three songs from afar! Anyway, it’s not like I was communicating directly with you, it was just about the music…”

“Well, I appreciate your determination to walk a mile after your own show and listen. Was it worth it?”

“Yeah. I wish I had stayed a bit longer but I had to get here to search for ghosts,” Theo let out a giggle, and Alex pushed him into the wall again, but now with a kiss instead of an interrogative gesture. It was partly a silent way to let Theo know that everything was actually fine and he was always welcome to watch. God knows whether Theo had sensed the implication; in any case, Alex just went along with the gentle embrace because, whatever it meant, it was wonderful in itself.

This time Theo was lingering, as though abashed by Alex’s pretended reproach and passing him the initiative. Alex put a hand on Theo’s chest and made a feeble attempt to push him on the bed in a seductive manner but the force was just enough to leave Theo in the same place with a slightly confused expression. Realizing the intention quickly, Theo chuckled and flopped back obediently. Alex made one more push, now strong enough to spread Theo on the bed and turn the snicker into a lip-biting smile, and arched over him. The look in Theo’s eyes beneath as Alex curved down for a kiss was so admiring and sincere that, once again, Alex believed that now this expression would stay forever, regardless of the circumstances.

Once Theo grabbed Alex’s collar in the heat of another kiss, somebody knocked on the door. Both froze; Theo’s grasp weakened, and Alex glanced sideways nervously.

“Must be some hotel service,” Theo whispered, “Don’t worry, go on…”

“How can I go on when I know somebody’s standing at the door with ears pricked up?” Alex hissed back.

“Okay. Let’s wait till they go away,” Theo suggested peacefully but in a second he twitched at the muffled sound of Adam’s voice behind the door.

“Theo? Are you asleep already?”

“Shit,” Theo said quietly as Alex jumped away, “I’m not! What’s the matter?”

Alex tilted his head in irritation. If Theo had just pretended to be asleep, everything would be easier. After all, he was the one worrying about confidentiality so much. Theo probably realized the mistake and replied with a sorry pout.

“My phone charger has broken. I just wanted to borrow yours for a while because looking for one in an unfamiliar city at night doesn’t seem very appealing.”

“Uh… I…” Theo murmured, his eyes rushing from the door to the expectant lover on his bed. It seemed like Theo was waiting for a hint, but Alex just shrugged, too nervous himself. “Well… They must have some at the reception, right?”

For a moment, everything behind the door was silent.

“Theo, are you with somebody there?” Adam finally wondered.

This time, Alex gazed at Theo and nodded slowly. Admitting his presence would be better than bumping into Adam in the hall the next morning, which he had already almost faced once.

“Yes,” Theo said almost calmly, “But it’s alright. Just one moment,” he asked, grabbing the wire from the nightstand, rushed to Alex’s ear, and whispered, “Don’t worry, I’ll think of something. Just be cool.”

Leaving Alex in covert panic, Theo walked to the door and threw it open so widely as though the charger was the size of a horse and would not fit into a narrow gap.

“Hi!” Theo smiled as Adam’s look instantly jumped on an uncomfortably nestling Alex and halted there.

“Oh… good evening,” Adam said, even if surprised, almost not showing it, and Alex forced a greeting smile.

“We were just going to have a film marathon. Want to join?” Theo beamed with friendliness.

Alex felt a strong urge to throw a pillow at Theo’s nape and then choke himself with the same pillow.

“No, thanks. Actually, I have a call to make, this is why I wanted the charger so urgently. Thank you,” Adam nodded and glanced at Alex one more time, giving him an uncomfortable thought that Adam had not accepted the excuse for a second, “Frankly, I was expecting to see that girl you were talking to before the gig. I thought she was your type.”

“Uh, well… Not really,” Theo faltered, making Alex feel like the only way to hide his smile was to hold cheeks with hands, “Adam, is that all?”

“Yeah, thanks a lot, mate. And sorry for interrupting,” Adam apologized with such a precisely measured amount of acid that both were left wondering whether he had really understood the deal.

As soon as the door closed, Alex gave up and hurled the pillow at the grinning face.

“You’re such a goofball!” Alex burst out laughing as Theo jumped back into bed, “A fucking film marathon!”

“Oh, come on,” Theo smiled, dragging the tiny giggler on top of him again, “Adam would believe me with that. Not the best excuse, I admit, but even if he knows…” Theo paused to pull Alex down, “…Adam won’t mix up or tell anyone. I trust him. Maybe I would even tell him one of these days…”

“Hey!” Alex rebelled as he perched on Theo’s crotch, like in a saddle, blocking his movements, “It’s unfair that you’re allowed to tell your friends, and I’m not!”

“Not friends. Just Adam, since he’s my best friend.”   

“Can I tell Miles, then?”

Theo snorted.

“Why not just drop in at BBC One with an announcement?”

“Watch your mouth, Hutchcraft,” Alex warned and kicked him in the side.

“Ouch! You can’t deny Miles is a bit communicative.”

“No more than you, actually. Hard to beat that.”

“Why would you want to tell so much, anyway? Proud of your little conquest?” Theo giggled and got another playful kick, which seemed to exhilarate him even more.

“I return this shameless question as you were the one to start this topic.”

“Well, I might be.”

“Might be what?”

“Proud, of course!” Theo sighed so emphatically as though this was completely obvious. For Alex, though, it was not. Most of the time, he felt like Theo was, on the opposite, ashamed of the whole thing. Alex himself could not deny he was proud, but not in the bragging sense – more like having pure admiration and some kind of tender gratefulness for his lover. Besides, this was not the reason why he wanted to tell Miles. Primarily, Alex had to pour out the seething feelings and, preferably, get some advice.

“Not proud enough to let it out, though?” Alex grinned, sliding his hands up Theo’s sides and bending down a little, “Oh, how can I get better to deserve our friends’ enlightenment…”

“Are we going to keep discussing Adam and Miles or get down to business?” Theo moaned ruefully, “Your wiggling down there is getting… troublesome…”

Alex curved his lips into a sly arc and fidgeted again just for spite. The teased singer tried to rise but Alex pressed him back down and shook his head.

“Punishment time, you blabbermouth.”

For a whole minute, the only movement was Alex sliding up and down Theo’s tense body at an infuriatingly slow pace. Theo attempted to reach Alex’s belt, but Alex grasped his wrists and squeezed them to the bed, grinning at the pleading face beneath.

“Alex, you agile ass!” Theo finally groaned, “What for?”

“Disrespect for my friend. You’re temporarily blocked from further actions.”

“How do I unblock?”

“Wait,” Alex said simply, with another vigorous rub.

“I can’t!”

“Okay, let me tell Miles, then.”

Theo laughed so hard that Alex bounced up and down.

“Are you really going to phone Miles while you’re jumping on my dick or what?”

“Fuck off,” Alex chuckled too.

“Okay, just going to lie here and wait,” Theo sighed, “And thanks to you, now I have Miles’ voice in my head.”

“I’d rather you didn’t say it when I’m doing what you’ve just said,” Alex required jestingly but suddenly tensed up, “Wait, I can hear it too… Oh fuck!” Alex exclaimed in a low voice, grabbing his head, “I’ve just remembered from whom I had heard the hotel name…”

“What the… Why would…” Theo murmured in confusion but knocking on the door cleared his thoughts up, “Fuck! You go open, we’ll talk about this later,” he commanded, throwing Alex off and grabbing a pillow hastily.

Not less confused, Alex walked to the door and opened it. What was behind it startled both him and Theo even more. In the front, there was a beaming Miles with an armload of beer, and behind, there was Adam with a humble expression of not understanding how he found himself there.

“Hello, Al,” Miles nodded at Alex and went past him with the tinkling bottles and no explanation whatsoever, “Hey, Theo. Adam, come on.”

Alex looked at Theo but, apparently, he had no idea what was going on as well. Then both turned to Adam, whose blush obviously showed some awareness.

“Miles is staying here too; I gave him a call and mentioned your film marathon…” Adam started apologetically.

“…and I was bored, so I grabbed some beer at the bar, then grabbed Adam, and went here,” Miles finished, unloading the bottles on the bed. A guilty thought came to Alex: with all Theo related bothers, he had completely lost sight of Miles’ life, particularly when and how he had managed to pal up with Adam. If not for the crippling worries, it would have been hilariously ironic.

“Since when are you…?” he started but Miles interrupted again, glancing at Theo cheerily.

“Literally the same question. Sorry, mate, it just got lost in the flow. Festivals are a frenzy.”

Still hiding behind a pillow, Theo stared at Adam agaze and finally recovered his voice.

“But Adam, we were together most of the time, how did I miss…”

“Wisely stated earlier, a frenzy’s to blame,” Adam explained vaguely, and Miles spoke again:

“So what films are we watching?”

The interrupted lovers looked at each other at a loss. By now, it was obvious that getting rid of their friends would be impossible; the more executable task was to deliver a clear lie.

“We were just talking about that when you came, actually,” Theo took the wheel, “Maybe we’ll just have a look at the TV guide and choose something?”

“This is not precisely a film marathon,” Miles noticed, “What is this even organized around?”

“Around trying to find something in English, I guess,” Theo suggested, and Alex sighed mutely along with Adam, “What? You never know how many English channels are there!”

“What could we expect but some outstanding forethought about the evening?” Adam sneered, but the company had to go along with Theo’s improvised idea, having no other suggestions.

After 20 minutes of fighting for the remote control, sharing the space on the bed and accidentally cracking a beer bottle, the four were finally lying side by side and watching some thriller. Theo and Miles were crammed in the middle, and Alex and Adam were sitting on the edges. At first, Alex found himself next to Miles and lamented the loss of the last thing that had been left to him this evening. But then Adam complained that he kept sliding off and suggested changing places. With clumsily hidden eagerness, Alex ran to another side of the bed to take a seat near Theo, who giggled noiselessly.

Maybe it was due to the unfortunate circumstances, but Alex found the film highly annoying and boring. The rest of the room, however, seemed to be watching closely, so Alex kept his moodiness to himself. Theo glanced at him now and then with growing concern. Just when Alex was going to whisper to stop it, Theo grabbed his hand stealthily as though to cheer him up. And it worked. It was so strange, sitting near their unaware friends and holding hands secretly, like shy adolescents, nonetheless it was soothing and lovely.

The action on the screen was coming to a logical end, when Theo turned to Alex and whispered:

“Seems like our friends have found the film too boring.”

Both peered on their right to find Adam and Miles fast asleep, reclining their heads on the wooden bedhead, and the latter one even still holding an empty beer bottle. Theo switched the TV off with a sigh.

“I must say, it’s a bit undeserved, the film wasn’t even that bad, except for…”

“Whatever it was, I’m more worried about where I’m sleeping tonight,” Alex said quietly, estimating how much space on the bed the two men had already occupied. The rest was enough to sit, with Alex’s legs on the floor, but hardly comfortable to sleep on.

“We can just wake them up and send them away.”

“Uh… They must be so tired after the festival… It feels mean.”

“Really? Their rooms are seconds away.”

“And how do you imagine “sending them away?” Like, sorry, guys, can you, please, get out ‘cause I have some unfinished stuff to do with Alex?”

“Well, then you have to choose, either they will sleep alright this night, or us. Or we can try to sleep on this little spot,” Theo suggested, nodding at the meager space he and Alex were occupying, “But it’s really crammed here, and you have to be ready for a whole new level of intimacy with everybody on this bed…”

The infantile grin was met with a silent disgruntled look and a suppressed smile.

“Just joking. Maybe we’ll just drop into one of their rooms in return?”

“Good luck frisking them for keys, then. I’d rather suggest going to my hotel, like I said earlier,” Alex persisted but suddenly fell into doubt, “There’s little time for journeying though, I guess...”

“Let’s go for a walk,” Theo came up with a sudden idea, putting Alex at a loss. It was not that he minded – in fact, he had been quietly dreaming about it for a while. It was just hard to get used to the abruptness of Theo’s illuminations.

“For a walk? Now?”

“Yeah. I guess, we have little hope to sleep, anyway, so why not breathe fresh night air instead? We’ll get some sleep tomorrow,” Theo suggested enthusiastically, and Alex could almost see all the spontaneous ideas flashing in his eyes and getting in line to be verbalized, “I mean, really! The weather’s fine, the stars are out, we can walk down to the river and roam around… Oh, maybe they have boats? How cool would that be?”

Alex could not make himself answer. He just buried his face in Theo’s shoulder and found himself chuckling uncontrollably. At this point, their friends’ sudden visit even seemed opportune. Embarrassed by Alex trembling with silent laughter, Theo mumbled:

“Anything wrong with boats? Okay, forget it…”

“Actually, you have no idea how I love boats,” Alex reassured with a content grin.

***

Under the airy rustle of leaves and the dim light of lampposts, the couple was roaming down the embankment. They found no boats, and that was probably for the best. Quiet night streets often seem surreal, and Alex had had this thought several times before, but this was nothing compared with his current dreamlike state. Indeed, until now a simple walk with Theo had taken place only in his dreams, let alone such circumstances. Their shoes were stepping on the stones softly, Theo was telling something in a low voice, and the water was swinging calmly behind the fence – to Alex, this seemed the most pleasing combination of sounds.

“Let’s sit here for a while, maybe?” Theo suggested as they approached another bench.

“Yeah, alright,” Alex agreed, sitting next to him, “Just make sure I don’t fall asleep or even church bells won’t awaken me.”

“I bet I can, though,” Theo smirked, “Seriously, I think there’s spare time so have a nap, if you want,” he added and put his arm around Alex as though inviting to sleep on his shoulder. Alex was not even that drowsy but lately he missed none of Theo’s suggestions on principle and obeyed gladly. Alex’s accelerated and resolute heartbeat surely would not let him fall asleep – however, he lay still just to prolong a rare moment of quiet closeness. The golden shade of dawn was descending upon the embankment, making Alex wonder whether it was figurative, and nimble glistens on the water surface somehow reminded his sleepy mind of Theo’s sly smiles.

It seemed like they sat on the bench for a whole hour, and Theo did not fidget or say a word once. Then, Alex moved slightly to show he was awake, and Theo took it as permission to start talking.

“This is the most colorful dawn I’ve ever seen. It’s going to bring a great day, I guess.”

“A storm is forecast, I heard,” Alex chuckled.

“Well, sometimes it takes a storm to sort everything out and shine brighter than ever.”

“Yeah. It just would be nice to know right from the morning whether you should take sunglasses or an umbrella. The sky’s a trickster.”

“Oh, don’t be hard on it. As if it knows in the morning,” Theo objected, and Alex lifted his head to give him an inquisitive look, “I mean… you can’t judge by the color of the sky alone, there are clouds and winds to rely on… this is far too much responsibility for the sky…”

“This is opposite to what you’ve just said,” Alex noticed with a joking frown.

“I can only admire your patience if you’re still trying to find logical sequence in my words and take them so seriously,” Theo smiled and planted a closed-mouth kiss on Alex’s lips. Alex could not find a retort. Of course, he was and he did, and that could not be otherwise, whatever Theo himself recommended.

Theo stood up and walked around the bench to stir the tired limbs. After a while, he leaned on the fence, his eyes examining the water with philosophical detachment. Alex watched the paintinglike sight fondly until it came to Theo to start climbing over the fence, even though it would not give a significantly better view; then Alex rushed towards the railing and grasped Theo’s waist from behind, pulling him back to the ground.

“Are you fucking out of your mind? You’ll fall down!” Alex disturbed the morning serenity with a worried yell.

“You were closer to pushing me down with surprise than to saving me,” Theo laughed.

“Well, even if I drop you, we’ll probably fly down together. Makes it slightly better, doesn’t it?”

“To die by your side…” Theo crooned the famous song, and Alex picked up willingly.

“…is such a heavenly way to die. Frankly, I don’t think we’re going to die but thumbs up for the song,” Alex chuckled into the taller musician’s shoulder, and Theo moved his palms from the metal railing to Alex’s hands on his waist.

Whatever Alex owed this lingering embrace to – the dormant morning streets or Theo’s drowsy compliance – he was eternally grateful for this sudden gift. The murky dead end ahead seemed to split and give way for a smooth path that met the horizon. Leastwise, there was a chance to step on it, and now, when the sky was so aureate and Theo’s hands so certain, hoping for the best was as easy as never before. 

“Sorry, I think it’s time for me to get back,” Theo apologized, sliding out of Alex’s arms, but the duration of the embrace had been long enough not to leave Alex discontent, “Wake up our buddies and pack…”

“Alright. I’ll be waiting for an amusing story about that.”

“Ha, I hope there’ll be none this time. What happened yesterday was amusing enough,” Theo said, and slight annoyance showed in his smile, “Sorry about that, by the way.”

“Ah, never mind, it’s not your fault they decided to drop in,” Alex stroked his cheek.

“It kind of was. I mean, sorry we didn’t… get to the point.”

The wording sounded almost offensive to Alex. However good it was, it was not the point; at least not the only point without which their meeting would lose their meaning, as Theo implied. Seeing Alex’s face fall, Theo hasted to mend his ways:

“No, sorry, I mean, the walk was great! But we could walk in any case, if you only said you wanted to… I just think… Wouldn’t it be better if we chose our plans ourselves? And then, honestly, since when isn’t sex an improvement? Because, if not, I feel uneasy, and you’d better say what…” – and then Alex interrupted him with a giggling kiss, for he had grasped the gist already and wanted to spare Theo from uncomfortable explanations. Smiling against his mouth, Theo put his arms around the tiptoeing kisser’s waist.

“Everything’s fine,” Alex reassured him genuinely as they parted, “We’ll have time.”

“Yeah… One more festival, right? Well, I’ll go now, bye!”

“Bye,” Alex echoed but decided to stay in his place for a while longer. He leaned on the fence, lit a cigarette, and watched Theo walking away through a veil of smoke, morning haze and his own clouded vision. Would they really have time, except for one more guaranteed comeback?


	3. The Last Or To Last

A few days until the next – and the last – festival seemed to stretch like a bowstring, in an expectant and menacing way. Alex was floating high in the sky from the fact that his relationship with Theo had finally come out of the hotel rooms and deviated from the initial course. However, with Theo, it was hard to say whether it was a literal turn or just a random change of the row. It was particularly worrying, when the last festival was on the doorstep, and the little summer adventure could just stay what it had been from the start.

Even though those days were, as always, silent, eventually Theo called and drowned Alex in such a detailed plan for another walk that he could not fit a word. Theo suggested wandering around in the evening the day before the festival, and this was something new – not at night, when the streets were comfortably lonesome, and not because the previous plan had suffered a crash. Alex accepted the invitation without any questions or sharp remarks, as though afraid to frighten off the long-awaited advancement.

“Hey,” Theo melted into a smile as Alex came to the appointed spot. For a moment, there was an awkward halt, as Alex did not know which way to greet him outside a room was the most appropriate. Apparently, Theo was not sure either, but, after a while of hesitation, he bent his head and planted a prompt kiss on Alex’s cheek. “So shall we start with the church?” Theo asked with an improbable amount of nonchalance, “It’s just a short way off.”

“Let’s go,” Alex nodded, once again preferring not to comment. Anyway, he was a bit too smitten to deliver something caustic.

“I suppose, our friends won’t join us today once again?” Theo wondered, taking the needed direction, “I heard Miles will be at the festival too.”

“You say it like I’m personally responsible for them both,” Alex chuckled, “Well, why would they be in a church? And, just for the record, I spoke to Miles, his hotel is a safe distance away… And Adam is under your responsibility.”

“He’s hard to be under my responsibility when Miles is dragging him around.”

“We could just go to my hotel afterwards. Matt, Jamie, and Nick will barely show up.”

“Ah, never mind,” Theo concluded lightly, “Everything’s going to be fine.”

The little promenade turned out to be more friendly than romantic, but Alex was happy nonetheless. Theo seemed to be fine with everything too, and it was the most important part. Listening to him talk and talk about the places of interest they were passing by, while the sunny day was slowly changing into a cozy evening, was already good enough. The walk was taking place in a German city, and Theo read every poster and shop sign with childlike excitement, sometimes to rejoice when he could translate them, sometimes to whine he was forgetting the language. Alex smiled at Theo’s enthusiasm and corrected him graciously now and then, which led to them inventing a couple of bilingual puns and laughing at them for minutes.

It felt new, yet so natural as though specifically designed for each one’s tastes. Looking at his glowing sidekick, Alex wondered why they had even got stuck in the restricted lane, when they were so compatible in far more senses. Pride, shyness, or both, whatever it was – it was high time to cast it away and ask for more directly, at least to be refused and carry on without false hopes. But the right moment never came. Moreover, Theo behaved so markedly friendly as though every other tone had been just a dream. It would make little sense to break into his cheerful and, frankly speaking, meaningless monologues with something serious.

They were passing across a square, surrounded by old buildings, when some artistic view grabbed Theo’s attention and he asked Alex to wait while he would take a picture. With a kindly smile, Alex nodded and walked away to sit on the edge of a big round fountain. For a minute or so, Alex had the pleasure of witnessing Theo dashing and bending here and there to catch the needed image. Alex watched him fondly, while Theo was too busy to notice, but, as soon as he headed to the fountain, Alex crossed his arms, as though tired of waiting, and wondered:

“Any success?”

“Yeah. But sorry, now you’ll have to wait till I process and post it,” Theo informed, taking a seat on the marble surface near Alex.

“Sure,” Alex said simply. A small part of his mind was quietly scolding the recent compliance. Before, retorts and stings were as though necessary to remind them both where they were. But Alex did not feel like reminding anymore.

Several minutes passed by, and Theo was still gazing at his phone in silence. To be frank, Alex would gladly endure much more waiting by his side, but Theo did not have to know about this amorous submissiveness, so he spoke out:

“Are you doing a photography project?”

“No, now I’m counting likes and browsing comments,” Theo grinned, demonstrating the screen to Alex, who snorted derisively but said nothing. “It can be fun sometimes. Well, actually, I’d just like to stay here, by the fountain, for a while. Do you mind?”

“No objections,” Alex agreed once again, and Theo turned away with a happy smile.

A few more minutes of placidity started giving Alex thoughts whether it would be appropriate to hug Theo or to do something else to liven up the faint hope for romance. It seemed unlikely that Theo would accept the caress in the middle of a stirring square, but, at the same time, Alex thought, it was time to eliminate the little rule in favor of something better. Then, it would be a suitable overture for what was yearning to slip off from Alex’s tongue. Finally, Alex lifted his arm and made a feeble reach, but suddenly Theo jumped several inches away and cried out:

“Fuck, are they watching us or what?”

“W-w-watching?” Alex stuttered, expecting a more moderate reaction, “You mean, people around? I don’t think they… Oh fuck, I see,” he exhaled; in the distance, Miles and Adam were approaching them with smiles on their faces.

“What’s going on? Why are they following us? Have you told him?” Theo flamed up, keeping his teeth clenched though, and Alex shrugged helplessly.

“Absolutely no idea and no, I haven’t,” he denied but preferred to conceal the sudden thought that Miles could have already guessed the truth and was bugging them on purpose just for a laugh. The same could be true for Adam, and if so, this sudden friendship reminded of a jocular military alliance. Anyway, this would explain only a bit of the confusing situation. As soon as the unexpected passers reached them, Adam pointed at a grinning Miles, forestalling the upcoming interrogation.

“All questions to him, please.”

“Well, we saw Theo’s pic on Instagram and we were roaming nearby so I thought – why not come by just in case?” Miles explained and turned to Alex, “Didn’t expect to see you though, mate.”

“Twofold same,” Alex admitted.

The company exchanged glances of different levels of awkwardness. Adam, who was shifting from one foot to another, probably won this competition, and Alex was second, embarrassment glowing through his tense pose.

“We were just walking around and looking at stuff,” Theo said as though apologetically, and Miles brightened up.

“So were we! Let’s go together, then!”

“Of course, if you had some particular plans, I wouldn’t insist…” Adam asserted, looking from Theo to Miles and somehow leaving Alex out, even though Alex was the one who felt sincerely grateful for this remark, but Theo interrupted his friend:

“No, why, not at all! It’ll be fantastic! Where shall we go now?” Theo asked cheerily, seeming to have accepted the failure pretty fast. So fast that Alex wondered whether he was actually glad that their supposed date had been interrupted.    

Eventually, they decided to wander around the city centre, and the idea turned out to be not so bad, except for the fact that Theo and Alex wordlessly decided to minimize interaction for the whole walk. Theo mostly spoke to Adam, and Alex trailed beside Miles, trying to find out how aware of certain things he was. Maybe his ways were too equivocating, maybe Miles was too eager to chaff him a bit more – but no convincing signs came up, so Alex eased off and even started enjoying the walk. Certainly, he would prefer to spend the evening alone with Theo, who now somehow managed to keep conversations both with Miles and Adam at the same time. But, in a way, this was alright as well.

As twilight was taking the reins, Alex threw more and more glances at Theo, wondering if he would take at least some attempt to excuse them and leave. It did not seem so. On the whole, the company bonded too well to disband so early, and a more likely outcome was all of them going to some bar and spending the rest of the evening there. Knowing how short of time he probably was, Alex could not go along with this opportunity and kept thinking of a decent excuse.

“Where next?” Miles asked as they moved away from some important monument Theo had suggested seeing, “I know nothing about those German sights and the language as well.”

“Me neither,” Adam joined, and suddenly a genius idea formed in Alex’s mind.

“Well, uh… I remember, there’s an old bell tower… Theo must remember,” Alex started, trying to keep an unsuspicious tone, “The name is…” he coughed and threw a meaningful glance at Theo, “Ich bin müde, wann verlassen wir?” _[I am tired, when shall we leave?]_

At first, Theo stared at him in bewilderment, but in a second his eyes lighted up, indicating he had grasped the trick. Of course, whatever Alex would say in German, to Adam and Miles it would remain just an indistinguishable set of sounds. The growing excitement in Theo’s face was so bright that Alex even got scared that he would burst out laughing and fail the plan.

“Oh… The bell tower…” Theo said slowly, apparently scraping the remaining knowledge of German from the walls of his mind, “It’s called, uh… Ich würde sehr gern verlassen, aber ich weiß nicht wie.” _[I would gladly leave but I don’t know how.]_

Miles gave a whistle.

“Whoa, so it’s the truth they say about long German words!”

“Maybe that one,” Alex went on, “I can only remember it’s on the street “Bitte, denk daran”.” _[Please, think of it.]_

“Okay,” Theo nodded, and, judging by his absentminded smile, he forgot the rules and agreed mostly with the last part, “Ich habe leider die meisten der deutschen vergessen, aber der Gedanke ist wunderbar, ich bewundere deine Schlauheit.” _[Unfortunately, I have forgotten most of German, but the idea is great, I admire your smartness.]_

The only thing that stopped Alex in the middle of letting out a broad smile was Miles and Adam scowling at them, apparently having lost the point of the conversation and angry at the lack of explanation.

“Uh… It was an untranslatable pun about the tower,” Alex recollected himself as Theo giggled.

“Fuck off with your inside puns,” Miles declared resentfully, unhappy about being left out, and halted, “Anyway, the tower will have to wait, I need to drop into that shop while it’s still open. I remember them having a shirt I was looking for… Anyone with me?”

“I’ll have a look too,” Theo volunteered willingly but Alex started sending him pleading pouts from behind Miles’ shoulder, and Theo faltered, “Ah, never mind… I haven’t taken much money, anyway.”

“Al? Adam?”

“Let’s go,” Adam stepped forward, and soon both disappeared in the shop. Theo and Alex exchanged slightly perplexed looks and headed toward the nearest bench.

“Thank god,” Theo sighed as they sat down, “I don’t remember enough German words to keep a proper conversation.”

Alex kept silent and gazed into the distance, thinking about how the amount of words was not always the only obstacle to tell something important. He knew a great deal of English words – and what was the difference?

“I’m still trying to understand why they appeared from thin air for the second time,” Theo said, “Do you reckon they know?”

“Uh, well… Twice might be a coincidence, so not necessarily,” Alex shrugged, even though he had not fully eliminated the opposite yet.

“Anyway, it’s getting annoying.”

“I thought you were enjoying yourself.”

“Don’t get me wrong, they’re great guys, but if I had wanted this company today, I would have called them from the very start.”

“Yeah… Any idea of escape, then?”

“As far as I can remember, you’re not a fan of my cover-ups,” Theo laughed amiably.

“Well, how could I be? The last time you tried, it ended up even worse,” Alex noticed with a quiet snigger, reminiscing how the outcome actually turned out to be rather nice.

“Alright, it’s your turn now, Alex!”

“Uh…” Alex murmured and thought for a whole minute, “My best idea for now is to run away now and think of an excuse later.”

“Brilliant. Let’s ignore their worried calls until tomorrow and make them think we’ve been kidnapped, which is very clever and nice, particularly right before the festival,” Theo commented sarcastically, “Adam will throw a fit at me.”  

“What about me?” Adam suddenly asked, appearing from behind and seating himself near Theo, who swallowed nervously. Everything depended on how much of the talk Adam had heard.

“Nothing. I was just telling Alex you would be angry at me if I… drink too much the night before a festival.”

“Well, not without me, leastwise,” Adam shrugged, and the other two on the bench exhaled quietly, “Miles will be back soon, he’s in the line.”

“Okay,” Theo said and pulled out his phone to pass the time. Not even five seconds had passed, when he suddenly yelled, not averting his eyes from the screen, “Adam, what the fuck is this?”

Alex glanced sideways with interest but he could not see the angering subject.

“I’m talking to you, Adam!” Theo went on while Adam was just grinning at the stone tiles beneath, “What does this even mean?”

“I don’t “mean” anything, you two just accidentally played the needed roles for a nice shot,” Adam explained serenely, “Consider it modelling, if you must.”

“What’s up?” Alex could not suppress the concern anymore. With a snort-like sound, Theo showed him the phone. On the screen, there was the Instagram feed with a picture of Theo and Alex on the bench, taken from behind and apparently posted by Adam. They were just silhouettes, framed by the deliriously colorful sky, and even recognizing them could be a bit hard, but Alex understood what made Theo so angry. The picture could not be any more shouting about romance even if Adam had put floating hearts into it. Apparently, Theo was not fond of seeing that atmosphere around them.

“Er…” Alex said hesitantly, “This… is a nice picture…”

“At least Alex appreciates, thanks,” Adam waved at him gratefully.

“I do too!” Theo objected, “But it’s kind of… It looks like…”

“Like what?” Adam and Alex asked at the same time, hard to say, who sounded more affronted. Theo shook his head quickly and shrugged so that it seemed like a wave of cold ran through him.

“Never mind.”

“Oh, here comes Miles,” Adam said, “Let him judge.”

During the few seconds it took Adam to stand up and show the picture to Miles, Theo and Alex did not look at each other once, each struggling with his own kind of shame. Miles burst out laughing, making both glance up like shy punished children.

“Great picture, mate!” Miles uttered through chuckles.

“Not everybody’s that delighted, though,” Adam grumbled.

“Really? Do you like it, Al?”

Alex had a haunting feeling that Miles was actually asking something slightly different.

“Me? I… uh… yeah, it’s quite…”

“Theo’s the one with hard feelings.”

“Come on, mate, why wouldn’t you like it?”

Alex was still trying not to look at Theo but it seemed to him that Theo threw an anxious look at him, before he answered:

“It’s alright, don’t make a big deal out of it. Guys, don’t you think it’s time to disband?”

“Already?” Miles’ grin faded, and he gave everybody an inquiring look.

“Yeah. There’s a big festival tomorrow, in case you’ve forgotten,” Adam supported Theo decisively. Stared at by all three, Alex nodded so vaguely that it could be interpreted as consent only scarcely. Surely, he wanted to leave, but not like this. The stupid revealing picture as though hinted Theo at what Alex could not make himself tell, and the result only proved Alex’s fear.

Theo and Adam left at the nearest intersection, Miles made a turn at the next one, and Alex went further alone. After a row of guesses, Alex decided that “don’t make a big deal out of it” and “time to disband” were not the best goodbye but probably the most relevant advice for the situation. When a single shadowy picture caused so much discomfort, it was silly to hope for any harmony in real life. The right thing to do was to rejoice for everything good that had happened during that short period and leave it behind in peace before it would bring any more pain.

It was already dark, and the lonesome streets, enclosed between old shabby buildings, were inclining to a long thoughtful walk. Alex cursed himself for not taking a taxi; it would at least leave him less time for grazing the wound. Just when Alex almost tamed his thoughts, hasty steps thudding behind caused him a scary distraction within seconds. Before he had time to look back, Theo jumped out of the dark and caught up with him, slightly out of breath but smiling widely.

“Hello again,” he exhaled as Alex was examining him in surprise, as though in doubt whether Theo was a ghost.

“How?..”

“I told Adam I needed to… uh… can’t remember, something really stupid… He seemed to buy it, though. Well, at least he made a very understanding face and asked no questions,” Theo added with a concerned shade, “I took a roundabout, dropped in a shop…” Theo went on, showing Alex a bottle of wine in one hand and a bag of sweets in another, “And then went to you by taxi.”

“Why are you panting, then?”

Theo looked up at the sky and laughed quietly. There was so much warm airiness in that little laugh that Alex felt a sudden need to drop waiting for the answer, pull Theo close and kiss his teasing lips.

“When I saw you walking ahead, I got an urge to get out and run after you. For a more dramatic emergence, you know.”

“Well, you succeeded. I almost fleeted in full flight.”

“Oh, sorry! It’s frustrating how the stuff that’s supposed to be romantic in films and books is nowise romantic in real life,” Theo complained lightly.

Romantic. The word rolled around Alex’s mind, leaving a shining trace behind and blocking the thinking mechanisms on its way. First Theo denied the forbidden tone and then used the word himself within an hour. What kind of joke was this?

“Uh… no, why… it’s alright…” Alex mumbled, “I just didn’t think you would come back.”

“As long as you want to see me,” Theo promised with a faltering smile.

Unfortunately, very few things could kill Alex’s desire to see Theo as often as possible. Alex felt the gears of his mind slowing down, particularly the one responsible for speech. Instead of an answer, Alex smirked at the ground and went further, with Theo beaming beside, and the hopes of walking side by side a far longer way emerged again.

***

The morning before the festival, Alex was sprawling under a white blanket, which, this time, they had managed not to stain with wine. While Theo was crooning something in the shower, Alex found an entertainment in trying to get the knack of Instagram with a single purpose of saving that controversial picture. For obvious reasons, he would not dare to ask Theo about that directly but he wished he could because the silly app just did not seem to have the needed button. Alex thought it would be really dumb of the programmers, blamed the failure on his own incompetence, and kept searching.

“Shit. Fucking shit,” Alex blurted when he almost sent the link to all his contacts by accident.

“Anything wrong?” Theo asked, coming out of the bathroom and heading toward the bed.

“Uh… I’m just trying to grasp how fucking Instagram works…”

“I can help,” Theo rejoiced.

Alex squinted down – he had tapped so many buttons that the stupid phone just froze with the damn picture on the screen. Starting to blush, he murmured:

“Great but… Uh… My phone froze really bad so maybe you’ll just show it on yours through my account if it makes no difference?”

Apparently, Theo took his blush as embarrassment of failing at such a simple task.

“It’s alright, don’t even worry,” he reassured, flopping near Alex who was hastily hiding his phone in the blanket’s folds in hopes for the best, “I’ll show you everything on mine in no time. Why have you decided to get into this, though?”

“Well, er, there were so many talks about it yesterday… I felt a bit left out and decided to see if it’s any good…”

“Oh, it’s fun! What is going to be your first post?”

“Frankly, I don’t intend to post,” Alex said, gazing at Theo’s disheveled and wet figure and internally chuckling at how everybody would freak out if he posted what he saw first, “Just check on my friends once in a while.”

“Okay, I see. Let’s start,” Theo suggested eagerly and reached for his phone. When the phone lighted up, Alex froze and stared at Theo with his mouth agape. The pictures folder was open, with that very notorious photograph above everything. Theo swept it away hastily and mumbled: “Well, they were right, it’s a nice picture... Adam is a marvelous photographer.”

“Yeah…” Alex agreed, joyously baffled, “He is, I guess. Uh… How did you save it, anyway?”

“I asked Adam for the original one yesterday on our way. Want me to send it to you?” Theo asked so casually as though he was offering Alex gum or a comb, not something of a romantic postcard with them both.

“Why not, I’ll just unfreeze my phone then,” Alex said, partly happy that he had reached the goal so simply and partly disconcerted by Theo’s reaction. For him, it was quite clear that it was not just a picture. It symbolized something much bigger and more important. Theo acted equally vaguely about both the sign and the idea behind it. Rejection, acceptance, excuses, retreat – Alex tangled up in the endless cycle and, with each new round, understood less and less. Luckily or not, but the supposed end was knocking at the door as they would hardly cross paths at the festival and leave right after it, and clarifying the situation was overdue.

After Theo had finished his lecture on Instagram, both slid back under the blanket, and Alex habitually put his head on Theo’s shoulder, with his hand upon Theo’s chest. However short the period had been, this gesture had become a dear tradition. In his turn, Theo hugged him gently, and strained silence fell in the room. A lot of uncomfortable questions were lingering on the tip of Alex’s tongue but he hesitated to spit them out. After all, if it was a goodbye, Theo had to say something too, had to utter at least several concluding words. However, his prominent loquacity seemed to have left him at the most inopportune time. Theo did not even switch the TV on or stare at his phone; in a sense, that would make the moment easier, because such flippancy would indicate it was not the end but just another casual morning. Keeping his mouth closed for an atypical period, Theo was stroking Alex’s hand as though unknowingly. Repeated feeble movements started to tickle, and Alex grasped Theo’s hand and held it firmly. The long fingers settled down for a while, but then jerked away, leaving Alex dejected. The short exchange of gestures, as he thought, rephrased the whole relationship briefly but precisely.

“Time to get going, I guess,” Theo murmured, sliding out of Alex’s embrace bit by bit, “I have to come back to my hotel.”

Once again, Alex did not answer. A lump in the throat prevented him from speaking decently, and then, this relationship now required such words that had been taboo language in the initial affair. As Theo was dressing up quickly, Alex did not pay him a single look and stared at the blanket. Inside his chest, it felt just as blank and white.

“It was a nice summer, wasn’t it?” Theo finally spoke out again in a doubtful manner.

“Kind of,” Alex said briefly so that the accursed lump would not have time to dampen the intonation.

Theo fell silent again. Even though both were staying in their places – one at the door and another in bed – the distance between them seemed to be growing harshly. Alex was dying to know whether Theo was looking at him and what expression was on his face, but he just could not make himself glance up from the blanket.

“Alex…” Theo said quietly, and Alex looked up hopefully at last. Theo’s expression turned out to carry a lot less nonchalance than Alex had expected it to do. The remainder of the phrase was trembling on his lips, and it did not look like the face of a man eager to break loose and leave everything behind. Alex was on the verge of dashing toward the hesitant singer and kissing his open lips, as though seizing the unsaid sentence, but suddenly Theo uttered a single heavy word: “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye,” Alex echoed after a while in a low voice.

The door closed almost without a sound, and somehow it made Alex feel even worse. Even if Theo shouted and slammed it, it would still be better than this emotional dumbness. Alex crawled under the blanket entirely and buried his face in the pillow, as though looking for a shelter, but darkness and silence were the worst helpers. The end of a long tour had never felt less enjoyable and liberating, and the upcoming journey did not seem like going home. On the opposite, the homely feeling had just left him.


	4. Aftershow

Expectedly and still painfully, silence enclosed after the last songs of the set lists faded away. After such a terse goodbye, Alex could not find it in his heart to forgive Theo and call him. Reminders that, as a matter of fact, Theo owed him nothing, and both, being experienced adults, should have understood the situation from the very start, did not work anymore. Alex assumed that, if so, there was absolutely no need for Theo to do certain things and give him deceptive signs. On the other hand, sometimes Alex thought that he had just overestimated and overthought every trifle, which was a foolish thing to do, when the person who gave those trifles was so careless and impulsive. Anyway, most of the time, rational excuses do not work well with the matters of the heart, and the hurt grew every day.  

A faint wish to overcome the ill feelings and call Theo emerged in Alex’s mind now and then. Almost a week had passed, and Alex was still mustering up courage and postponing the call. One day, he was fumbling with his phone once again and sliding the menu thoughtlessly, when the Instagram icon caught his eye. He had not opened the app right since the day Theo gave him a lecture on it and subscribed him to a crowd of people, half of which Alex would barely follow, but he just listened and nodded, since he was not going to use it anyway. To Alex’s big relief, none of his friends knew about his lightweight involvement, and the nickname was indistinguishable.

Clinging to another excuse, Alex scrolled the feed with no particular interest and only grew more certain in his unwillingness to get into this. However, Alex kept looking, a small part of him hoping to see Theo – and when he suddenly did, his finger froze above the screen. Seeing a shared friend post a picture of Theo from some party, happy and surrounded by handsome girls and guys, was definitely not the motivation he needed to make a call. Even though it showed nothing explicit, for Alex it was another bitter reminder how small his part in Theo’s life was. Numbed and hesitant, Alex scrolled down slowly and bumped into another picture with similar contents, this time with some hugging going on.

“Fuck you!” he screamed at the screen with the smiling face and threw the phone away in warm blood so that it hit the floor with a sad cracking sound. A fiery itch was going through his whole body, and Alex would hit Theo, if he was there. But, of course, he was not – he was far away with others, happily free from the grasp of the expired tenderness, and this made Alex even angrier.

In an hour, a thoroughly intoxicated and forceless figure of Alex was lying on a couch in front of the television screen, the only clear things in his mind being hate and anguish. He suspected it, but he definitely did not have to be reminded how little everything meant for Theo. The room seemed to have turned into a blurry hostile void, leaving Alex alone with his thoughts.

Suddenly a buzz from the floor interrupted the muzzy flow of sound from the TV. Alex reached out for the phone with such difficulty as though he was catching fish with bare hands in a slashing stream. Finally, his fingers bumped into the damaged gadget, and Alex saw Theo’s face under the horrifying crack on the screen. The thinking remainder of his mind panicked and screamed it was not the best time to talk, but it was too weak to argue with the bigger drunken and furious part.

“Hey, Alex… How are you?” Theo said hesitantly and as though guiltily.

“What, ran out of wooers?” Alex retorted, managing to keep a calm tone only because he felt too numb even to raise his voice.

“Excuse me?”

“Just tell me, Hutchcraft, which position do I take in your list of options? Is it a two-digit number? Or would it be easier to count from the end?”

A misunderstanding silence fell.

“Ah, I see, you don’t even know numbers so big,” Alex smirked angrily.

“Uh… Alex, what do you…”

“As there was absolutely no point in you having this phone number from the start, I’d prefer you to delete it right now,” Alex uttered, stumbling on every word of the hard phrase.

“Alex, please, let me speak, I just…” Theo pleaded in desperation but Alex cut him down again.

“No, you learn to listen first, since you didn’t even grasp the “delete” part. You’re fucking detestable. You wanted neutral-negative, didn’t you? Here, you have it. Feels good?”

“I’ll call later when you sober up,” Theo said quietly.

“You’re going to get it worse if you dare,” Alex promised but Theo had already hung up, “Fucking hell!” Alex yelled and destroyed the screen completely with another furious throw.

***

Theo called later indeed and even several times, as soon as Alex got his phone fixed. Whatever state he was in, Alex kept ignoring Theo’s calls. There was no point in further explanations, pains and misunderstandings – shortly, there was no point in anything “further”. The clear realization of this did not help Alex to simmer down, though. Whatever he did to entertain himself, his mind stayed fixed on Theo. Miles was the only person who could distract him, and Alex concluded that he should have told his friend the truth a long time ago, since it was decidedly stupid to keep a promise to a person who did not even care about him much. Miles would not get into such a ridiculous situation, Alex thought, Miles would have known what to do from the start. And even not knowing the truth, he would manage to cheer Alex up in such a relevant way as though he felt what words Alex needed most.

In the end, Alex decided to postpone the disclosure a while longer, but Miles got worried by his constantly gloomy tone and lack of activity so much that he flew to LA to cheer him up. All the jokes, talks, and walks were quite enlivening indeed, even when Miles did not know what exactly he was distracting Alex from. Alex noticed that he did not even ask about this directly so he got suspicious once again. It was not like Miles to conceal such a question unless he knew the answer already. Leastwise, he did not bring this up, so Alex kept silent as well.

However hard Miles was trying, the shadow of heartbreak did not fully leave Alex’s face. His friend’s concerned glances made Alex feel a bit guilty; with all the care and effort, Miles deserved at least to know why all this was happening. Just when the revelation was close to detonating, Miles dragged Alex to some big party with an attitude of a firm doctor, talking a child into taking the medicine. The patient was balking all the way and grumbling that a noisy room of strangers was what he needed least.

“Not only strangers, some friends too,” Miles persisted, “Anyway, time to pair you up with someone.”

“ _Oh, I was mistaken, **this** is what I need least_ ,” Alex thought with annoyance but followed Miles into a club that was throbbing with music and lights.

They sat at the bar and ordered drinks. Miles was glancing around, probably looking for a suitable candidate – maybe for Alex, maybe for himself. This search irritated Alex even more, but at least Miles did not leave him alone with his reflection. After a glass, the obsessive words started tickling Alex’s tongue again, and he decided to catch a moment before Miles would intensify the hunt and push him into people.

“Er… Look, Miles, we need to talk.”

“Alright. About what?”

“About… uh… about Theo.”

The most surprising thing after the phrase was that Miles did not look very surprised.

“Whoa, okay. What has he done?”

“He… uh…” Alex murmured, losing the nerve again and reaching for another drink, “Well, in the beginning of the summer, Theo…”

“Speak of the devil, as they say,” Miles suddenly giggled. Startled, Alex followed his look and froze with the glass in his hand: Theo and Adam had just entered the club. With a tiny sting of satisfaction and worry at the same time, Alex remarked that Theo did not look as bright as usual; he seemed wistful and not even interested in whatever was going on in the club. Adam, on the opposite, looked highly concerned, examining the room all around.

“Fucking shit!” Alex hissed as he unfroze and bumped the glass back on the counter, “Why the hell?!”

“Quite a funny relationship you’ve got – first strolling around and having film marathons, then “fucking shit”…” Miles tried to joke, and the accuracy of the description infuriated Alex even more.

“First of all, there’s no relationship. And then, why didn’t you warn me he… they would come?”

“Pft, watch over your non-relationships yourself,” Miles snorted, “Why would I warn?”

Realizing Miles actually did not know the reason to warn, Alex piped down slightly.

“Sorry. I’m just wondering why they’re here.”

“Recording, I guess.”

“In a club?”

“In LA! As for the club, we all have enough friends in common not to be surprised,” Miles frowned at his bemused friend, “Let’s go say hi.”

“Far be it from me,” Alex mumbled and sipped his drink. At this exact moment, he met Theo’s eyes and froze for the second time. Theo stood numb too, not noticing the dancers around grazing him repeatedly. Few seconds seemed to stretch into such a long period, that silence changed the lively song and all the dancing figures blurred and eventually vanished. Miles brought Alex back to reality, waving and yelling:

“Adam! Theo! Come here, guys!”

To Alex’s horror, they heard and went toward the counter.

“I need to go to the restroom,” Alex murmured, jumping up, but Miles caught his hand.

“Al, this is rude.”

“This margarita was nauseous, I’ll throw up on you if you don’t let me go now,” Alex threatened and jerked away. Within seconds, he was already in the opposite end of the building. This was how reluctant he was to speak to Theo or even face him.

Theo, on the opposite, seemed pretty eager. For the next 20 minutes, Alex and he were playing some kind of hide-and-seek all around the club, which would even be funny, if not for the worry and vexation in both faces. Alex was running out of shelters and he would gladly go home, but he had to warn Miles, and for some reason Alex could not find him, even though he had explored every corner of the building while hiding from Theo. Throwing around cautious looks, Alex moved through a crowd slowly, and suddenly a hand lay on his shoulder.

“Why are you running away from me?” Theo asked sadly, emerging from behind.

“Should I run _to_ you?” Alex parried, “Weren’t we supposed to have a confidential neutral-negative relationship or something?”

“Come on, we both know it hasn’t been true for a long time.”

“Ah, yes. Even that shut down. Therefore, nothing to discuss here,” Alex concluded and made a decisive step aside but Theo blocked his way.

“Alex, wait, I need to talk to you…”

“Why? Dead season? Find yourself another booty call, okay?”

“It’s not the point!” Theo flamed up.

“Well, surprisingly, I’ve been under the impression it is,” Alex shrugged wearily, “Look, I understand we wanted different things. I don’t need any further explanations. Just leave me alone.”

“How can you know when you don’t let me say a word?”

“You had your chances. The ship has sailed. Now don’t stand in my way, I need to find Miles and leave,” Alex said, avoiding Theo’s pleading eyes, and dived into the crowd before Theo would say something else. Alex felt bad about cutting him off like this, particularly when deep inside he just wanted to hold Theo close and agree with whatever he would say, but otherwise it would only be worse. Everything that had happened only proved that the further it went, the more difficult it became.

Leaning against the wall and drinking another cocktail, Alex was still trying to catch a glimpse of his friend. The spot was slightly elevated, but even from there he could not see Miles and was getting progressively angrier. First, that joker dragged him here, then basically arranged the undesirable encounter with Theo and, finally, vanished into thin air. Besides, Alex was extremely angry at himself and, of course, at Theo, but it was easier to blame everything on Miles.

Before Alex finally managed to notice his friend, Miles found him first, with Adam hanging on his elbow. Both looked so merry and tipsy that Alex felt even more irrelevant.

“Hey!” Miles said, “Are you alright?”

“Not as extremely alright as you apparently are but kind of so,” Alex murmured, staring at the spot where Miles’ and Adam’s arms intertwined, “Where have you been? I’m thinking of leaving, just wanted to say bye.”

“Come on, mate! Have you really done anything but pine and drink? That you can do at home as well, and I’ve brought you here to have fun!” Miles persisted while Adam was nodding absentmindedly.

“I don’t feel like it, if it’s not obvious enough,” Alex murmured, putting the empty glass away.

“Go dance with someone, at least.”

“I. Don’t. Want. To,” Alex stressed, estimating the strength he would need to break through the embrace in front of him and get to the exit.

Miles and Adam exchanged glances and parted, but only to pull Theo out of the crowd in a second, holding the dispirited singer from both sides.

“And here’s another bitter loner,” Miles commented on the exhibit, who was hopelessly trying to catch Alex’s look.

“Everything fine, Theo?” Adam asked, “I haven’t seen you talking or dancing with anyone today.”

“Didn’t get a chance,” Theo said vaguely, drilling Alex with his eyes.

“Losers should stick together,” Miles sneered and pushed Theo into Alex so abruptly and cunningly that they did not get a second to resist. When Theo bumped into him, Alex hit his nose on Theo’s chin, and Theo had automatically raised his arms not to fall and they ended up on Alex’s waist in an accidental embrace. Even when it lingered too long to seem unintentional, Theo did not back away. On the opposite, he smiled and relocated his hands as though he was going to dance some waltz.

“Let’s dance, I don’t mind,” he said softly, and Alex stared into his eyes. He knew what Theo implied, suggesting a close dance in front of their friends and a crowd of strangers, in the middle of a club. But, for god’s sake, he could not think that a half-forced ridiculous gesture would overshadow everything else and solve the problem.

“Why the fuck would I dance with you, Hutchcraft?” Alex blurted in vexation and dashed away, this time – right to the exit, bumping into people and pushing them away.

Not giving his friends or other people around a single look, Theo rushed after him into the freed lane. Vague clatter of a broken glass and a squeaky wooden crash followed.  

Alex was walking away from the club rather hastily. Being taller, Theo could catch up with him without particular efforts, but the more important task was to make Alex stop and listen, so Theo was shuffling in front of him backwards.

“Alex, please, listen to me,” Theo asked, glancing around to avoid obstacles and staring at Alex who did not slow down a trifle, “I understand what made you so angry. I’m a mess, I know, but if you just let me explain…” – Alex made an unwilling grimace but at least he kept his mouth shut – “What list of options were you even talking about? You’re not the last option, not even an “option” at all. I haven’t had anyone but you, haven’t wanted anyone but you for a long time…”

“Really? How was the last French trip?” Alex asked with a grain of salt.

“Oh my god, Alex, there was no French girl!” Theo cried out, hitting a lamppost with his shoulder, “Did you really think I would just casually slip that in without a particular purpose? I was just checking your reaction!”

“Charming. Any results?”

“Well… Promising ones. You've misguided me later, though. I don’t understand it when you shut up or snap whenever I try to be romantic. It’s just…”

“Theo, crossing,” Alex warned the retreating talker.

After the road was behind, Theo recreated the recoiling position and went on.

“Okay, those were just some minor miscomprehensions, the hell with them...”

“Excuse me? As if I’m the incomprehensible one here! I don’t understand a lot of your antics too, you know. Like, when you go nuts about a fucking picture or don’t even bother with a proper goodbye.”

“I… I was freaking out, honestly,” Theo stumbled, “I was scared because everything was breaking away from the initial plan. I didn’t want to go there, I didn’t intend to… well… And I wasn’t sure you felt the same way so I had to move back and forth. But I’m willing to make up for every single one of those fearful retreats, I swear! With the picture… look here,” Theo pulled out his phone and showed the screen to Alex – the beautiful photograph had become the desktop wallpaper, “It’s been there since we parted. And why would I set up a farewell, when here I am right now? Of course, we couldn’t have something calm and steady, there would always be some hiding and lying… But not because all we can have is some worthless fun. Just because it’s us. And because I’m a huge relationship fuck up. But if you… Oh fuck!” Theo suddenly shouted as he tripped over a hole in the pavement and crashed down on his back. Alex rushed forward and squatted near the already giggling tomfool.

“You were right, certain things aren’t romantic in real life at all,” Alex sighed, “Don’t ever do speeches when you’re walking backwards, you’re clumsy enough even without that.”

“I’m fine!” Theo reassured cheerily, “Let me finish now. But if you agree to tolerate me, I will try to…”

“Oh my god, is that blood on your hand?”

“Doesn’t matter. So, if you agree to tolerate me…”

“I won’t tolerate you lying on the pavement with a bleeding hand,” Alex said, “Get up, we’ll take a taxi to my house.”

“But I haven’t explained yet…”

“That will wait till home.”

Surprisingly, Theo kept silent all the way home – maybe because Alex told him to, maybe because the mission was partly accomplished. Alex did not say a word, too. The intermission lasted even longer than the ride. When they walked into Alex’s house, Theo did not utter a single comment, although Alex expected him to. With a humble face, as though waiting for some permission or direction, Theo followed the host, who was hopelessly lost in thought and could not even instruct himself about what to do, let alone others. Alex halted, took Theo’s hand carefully, and examined the injured palm.   

“Go wash it, and I'll bring a bandage,” Alex finally commanded, and Theo obeyed, “You haven’t hurt anything else, right?”

“Well, with such a band name, I kind of feel obliged…” Theo smirked, standing at the sink, “No, seriously, even this is just a scratch. Don’t worry.”

However, he showed no objection to sitting on the couch with Alex and holding his palm out to him for bandaging. Alex’s hands were moving slowly and gently, and Theo was watching them with the admiration worth of a magic trick. After the last knot, Alex kept holding Theo’s hand, even though he probably did not realize he had not let go yet. Too many thoughts were impeding his actions.

“Al… I just wanted to say,” Theo suddenly murmured, as though continuing the unfinished explanation, “I’ll understand if you don’t want to… Uh… But in case you do… I’ll go with whatever rules and limits you set or destroy. You know better, I guess.”

“ _Oh my god, he didn’t even use the word ‘date’_ ,” Alex thought, “ _How am I supposed to treat a case so neglected?_ ”

“Like, if you want to be open about it, fine. Keep everything low-key? Alright. It’s up to you, to take it slow or rush… Well, not rush too fast, I hope, because I would need time to choose a wedding tuxedo and book a good band beforehand, at least…”

“Fuck, Theo, you’re getting carried away,” Alex burst out laughing. Combining commitment issues with wedding dreams, even as a joke, was something only Theo could do. “Are you sure you didn’t hit your head on the pavement?”

“Oh come on, I haven’t even talked about our ten future kids’ names yet!” Theo whined with a snicker, “But, uh… Jokes aside… What do you say?”

Sure enough, Alex grasped what the question was really about, but he was not going to submit unless Theo would specify it himself.

“James would be nice. And if a girl, maybe Nancy.”

“Come on, you know what I mean!”

“Not really. You’re so mysterious,” Alex sniggered, but Theo’s helpless look broke him right away, “Alright, alright… Let’s try something else instead of fooling around, since we obviously failed at it,” he said softly, wondering if this delicate wording would backfire later.  

Even though it was what Alex wanted most, the decision was not that easy. To what extent would this shadowy suggestion actually improve the state of things? Did Theo at least imply being a real couple? Or would the never-ending circle of attacks and retreats just go on, but on a different level? Deep inside, Alex hoped that Theo would add something that could shed light on the future, but the only clarification he got was nonverbal: Theo bent forward and kissed him so bashfully as though it was their first kiss. Actually, the first one had been a huge contrast; however, this kiss commenced a seemingly new status and, in that way, was a first indeed. Internally burdened, Alex showed little reaction to the caress.

“Can’t see much delight in you, and I’m kind of worried,” Theo said, examining Alex’s blank face, “Did you really mean it? You look… contemplative.”

“Me? No, why, I was just… thinking…”

“About what?”

“Uh…” Alex mumbled in doubt. Leastwise, Theo was near him. What was the point of driving him off with a set of pretensions that were no clearer than the suggestion itself? “Well, I thought… Back there, in the club, were you really going to waltz with me? Because I thought you were, and now I’m imagining…”

Theo laughed.

“I guess, that episode would have been highly amusing, but yeah, I probably could.”

“Can you waltz?”

“You have no idea how many more or less useless skills I’ve got,” Theo declared proudly, and Alex let out a doubtful “eh”, “Oh, don’t you ‘eh’ at me, Alex, I’ll show you!”

“Okay. But let’s walk outside first. Less things to smash,” Alex smirked, and the next second he was running away from Theo who was hitting him with a cushion and chortling, “Ouch! This is not how you waltz, Theo!”

Chuckles fading, Theo threw the cushion away and followed Alex outside. A bright spot of illuminated water in the pool stood out in the darkness. The surroundings were almost indistinguishable, and just the elevated horizon line gave away the stately hills in the distance. Both halted at the door to look up at the stars and then exchange the glances of silent delight. Alex turned several outdoor lamps on, and Theo held out his unbandaged hand.

“So can I have this dance?”

“Without music?”

“Well, for a start.”

“Alright,” Alex smiled, taking Theo’s hand and leading him away, “But a bit further from the pool, if underwater dancing isn’t a part of the plan.”

“You underestimate me so much, Alex,” Theo chuckled and whirled his timid partner to an imaginary triple time tune before Alex had time to get ready. In the hurricane of Theo’s enthusiasm, Alex felt like his feet were not even touching the ground a lot; he just flew wherever Theo moved him and was okay with it, on the whole. Alex’s only prayer was that Theo would not think of enlivening the basic step with various stunts. “Well, how do you find it?” Theo smiled, clutching Alex’s slipping hand tighter.

“Literally breathtaking,” Alex mumbled as Theo dragged him into another sharp twist.

“I know! Now, let’s see if I can twirl you in the air…”

“Theo, no!” Alex moaned, trying to shake Theo’s hands off his waist.

“Theo yes,” the engrossed dancer persisted and dashed Alex up in his hands. “See, it’s alright!” Theo shouted cheerfully over Alex’s wails up above, “You’re so beautiful, with the starry sky in the background…”

“When you’re so busy looking at me, do you even watch where you’re going?” Alex yelled, estimating the trajectory and coming to an unpromising conclusion, “Oh fuck, Theo!..” Alex only managed to bawl before both plopped into the pool with a thunderous splash. The resulting wave poured over half the tiles they had been dancing on. For a while, the only sound was the noise of the troubled water, but then both unfortunate dancers emerged on the surface, laughing and splattering each other.

“You’re an unbelievable dork,” Alex laughed, putting soaked hair away from his face, “I knew it could end in no other way.”

“You’ve agreed, though,” Theo smiled happily as drops with little lights from the lamps were running down his face.

“Well, it’s not that I particularly mind the outcome.”

Indeed, Theo, all dripping and beaming, swimming closer, embracing him beneath the water surface, and pulling into a kiss, was not something to rebel against. Who even cared about the preciseness of the terms, when togetherness was the most important point? Those tender lips told more in silence than if they would be talking, explaining and apologizing.

And just when the haunting questions in Alex’s mind subsided, Theo withdrew his lips and whispered:

“I love you, Alex.”

Even the swinging water seemed to have stopped gurgling. Both figures in the water froze, processing what had just broken out. Alex stared at Theo with his lips open, and small waves almost poured inside his mouth, but Alex did not notice. Yes, of course, he thought, those were the same inexplicable mood leaps – just with a bigger amplitude.

“Oh… sorry,” Theo mumbled, probably having realized himself at last, “That wasn’t me,” he added hastily, dived, and rushed away like a torpedo.

Alex did not know whether to laugh or cry. The phrase surely came out on the spur of the moment and therefore was not rather convincing, but it did not make it sound less sweetly painful. Alex kept floating where he was and said nothing even when Theo sat on the edge of the pool and gave him an apologetic glance.

“So, uh… Just going to turn a deaf ear to that, right?” Theo wondered, examining the level of his clothes’ wetness as though it was vitally important at the moment.

“Well, judging by how quickly you turned into a submarine…” Alex started cautiously, “And how much you might’ve drunk at the party… And how you hit your head on the pavement no more than an hour ago… Let’s just pretend it never happened.”

“This is a no, then?” Theo mumbled, his eyes still down.

“I didn’t… I mean…” Alex floundered helplessly, “I can see it was an accident. So if you didn’t really mean it, it’s better if we just… let it slip by… Because no matter how much I’d like to hear that, first and foremost I’d like it to be voluntary and thought-out. Not, like, of pity or guilt… Or like I made you to…”

Theo sighed and finally looked up. This time, there were no jocular sparks in his eyes or sly curves on his lips. He slid back into the water and swam back to Alex, now at a slow pace, like a ship reaching the harbor. It was getting cold in the water, and Alex shivered slightly, but when Theo hugged him again, the temperature seemed to leap up at once.

“Alex…” Theo said in a low voice, stroking Alex’s pale cheek, “About one thing, you’re right. I said it by accident. But there’ve been far more accidents. Frankly, a lot of important things happened by accident. Even the whole thing of ours and how it grew… It’s not that we planned it initially, right? I’m an accident-man, you see,” Theo smiled, “Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst… But at least honest most of the time. What I said is completely true, even though I freaked out about saying it at first. But I’ll say it again properly. I love you, Alex.”

Even though a dozen flames of affection were dancing in Alex’s eyes, his lips were trembling of cold. Worried, Theo instantly cast away the sublime expression.

“Oh my god, are you crying? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Alex curved the trembling lips into a smile, “Why do you always choose the worst places for romantic speeches? We’re going to catch a cold!”

“Sorry,” Theo laughed and kissed Alex lightly, “I’ll try to think better next time.”

“Ah, we both know you won’t,” Alex sighed as both climbed out of the pool. The thought of owing Theo a reply was bugging him but a worthy wording failed to come to his mind. Finally, he realized his own mistakes. Ruining the moment with an unnecessary comment had become somewhat of a foolish tradition for them, and Alex had barely thought about his own contribution. How many times had he found the right words to keep Theo at the desired degree of affection – or found a lot of words but never the courage to say them? And, if so, why was he even surprised by constant waverings?

“Right. Can you lend me some dry clothes?” Theo wondered casually, heading back towards the house and leaving wet traces behind.

“Yeah but… Wait…” Alex murmured, and Theo turned around, “Don’t you want a reply to what you’ve just said? I mean… I might’ve ruined the moment but…”

The sought-for words were about to ring but Alex faltered and stared at Theo, who did not seem disappointed by the meager reaction. He stayed put and silent too, and only his chest rose and fell beneath the wet shirt. Was he waiting for the answer? Did he even need it?

“Al, ease off,” Theo said softly, as though feeling Alex’s concern, and put hands on his waist, “Of course, I know the reply. I just figured you’d want to word it thoroughly and say it somewhere else but in a puddle. We’ve got time now, and I’ll be here whenever you’re ready, I promise. No more disappearances. As long as you want to see me,” Theo concluded with a phrase he had already said once, but this time Alex felt it was for real. A mild grin appeared on his face, and he lowered his head.

“What? Already came up with an idea for a song?” Theo chuckled.

“Not yet but I’m considering it. I just thought, if both of us hadn’t found ourselves in that club, none of this would’ve happened. Such a lucky coincidence, isn’t it?”

“Or destiny?” Theo winked at the blushing singer in his arms, “Whatever it was, damn lucky indeed.”

***

“These smitten nerds are so hard to cope with, honestly,” Miles shook his head, as he took one cocktail for himself and handed another to Adam, who was leaning against the wall near him, “Even annoying, right? You have no idea how hard it was to drag Al here, when he didn’t want to see anybody but me and barely even left home!”

“You tell me,” Adam smirked, sipping the cocktail, “Well, I didn’t have a problem with that, but try putting an idea into somebody’s head – I mean, putting relationship advice – when you’re maintaining the illusion of unawareness and have to beat around the bush.”

“Oh, poor fellow! I bet you did great, though.”

“It’s not that Theo’s working on my unawareness much, anyway. He’s been babbling about Alex for weeks now and still somehow thinks I have no idea. Sometimes I think I don’t even know who the joke is on anymore,” Adam pondered aloud but Miles frowned as though any doubt was out of question.

“On them, of course! Alex didn’t even mention anything but his language of occasional vague metaphors and sad pouts is quite familiar to me. By the way, shall we tell them that we know?”

“Hm… Nah, let’s give them time,” Adam suggested calmly, “It seems like Theo hasn’t even fully acknowledged it himself, we don’t want to make it worse.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Miles agreed, “Anyway, teasing them is too amusing to let it go so fast.”

“Right. We’re such bad friends,” Adam sighed with a shade of guilt.

“Just the opposite!” Miles objected, “We’re basically bringing them together, this is what it’s all about! Pranks are just a bonus. If they make everything up today, we’ll surely be proven to be the best of friends, who understood the deal without even being told and helped them anyway.”

“Probably…”

“Let’s drink to them,” Miles suggested, noticing that Adam did not look absolutely convinced, and lifted his glass, “To our friends, Alex and Theo, glorious buffoons, whose antics we’re fated to disentangle. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” Adam echoed, laughing, and the glasses tinkled. Both felt strange fulfilment, as though somehow sensing that somewhere outside their little plan was working. An old toast, started by others, was finally completed and drunk to.

“And shall we tell them about us?” Miles suddenly asked.

“Pft, what for?” Adam snorted, “They don’t even see anything behind the curtain of their own passion. For, like, a month we’ve been parading in front of them, and what? Might as well shout against the wind. Theo hasn’t even asked me once,” Adam complained.

“Ah, don’t be upset,” Miles said, hugging Adam on the shoulder, “Al hasn’t either. But you don’t really enjoy the environment when your car is out of control at full speed, right? They will ask as soon as they learn to drive their own car. Which makes it even more interesting, in a way. Let them guess.”

“I hope you realize theirs would always be on fire or floating down a mountain river,” Adam commented ironically, and Miles laughed and squeezed him tighter.

“Aw, I admire your graciousness and rational outlook.”

“And when they finally open their eyes, it’s going to be kind of funny to tell that it basically started because of them.”

“At least don’t mention the fact I was trying to question you about Theo, like a caring mommy.”

“Come on,” Adam chuckled, elbowing Miles in the side, “With Theo, it was absolutely justified, I’d say.”

“Well, yeah, I’m going to beat his ass if hurts Al,” Miles declared half jestingly and half combatively, “And your patronage won’t help, Adam.”

“Er, we’ll see who’s going to hurt and beat,” Adam got offended for his friend, “But, hopefully, nobody. I heard Theo speak, and, you know, I think it might be serious.”

Miles nodded – maybe agreeing with the possible outcome, maybe approving of Adam’s insight. People were scurrying past them hither and thither, more and more gaps were appearing among the crowds, and the whole party seemed to be running its course. Slightly drunk and weary, Miles slid down the wall and put his head on Adam’s shoulder. Adam neither replied to the caress nor rejected it but gave him a fond look instead.

“Why are we still here, by the way?” Adam asked, “I only came to drop Theo, to be honest.”

“What, only for that?”

“And to see you, of course. But, I guess, now we can take the reunion joys to a more decent place.”

“They were fine here too, you know,” Miles giggled, and light redness covered Adam’s cheeks.

“Yeah but it would’ve been beyond awkward if one of them had found himself anywhere near that cubicle…”

“Well, then they could’ve learnt to go for it instead of running around the club and scowling at each other.”

“Do you think they’ll make up today?”

“I bet. They just needed a little push, and we were kind enough to provide it.”

“When you first told me that, I thought the push wouldn’t be literal,” Adam laughed, taking Miles’ hand and heading toward the door, “Don’t push my dear penguin anymore, please, he bumps into things even without that.”

“Okay, sorry,” Miles smirked happily, “Hey, do you want another round of ridiculous excuses from them? Let’s pop in Alex’s house early in the morning!”

“Oh my god, Miles, this is too much,” Adam shook his head but failed to hide an approving grin, “Do we really need that scene? And then, fine with you, but why would I go there?”

“You’ll just go with me,” Miles said simply.

“And what if they flame out and don’t make up? It’ll be even worse!”

“I’m sure they’ll be alright. Come on, Adam, at least not that early! We can’t miss such an amusing aftershow! I promise you we’ll back away at any bad sign.”

“Ah… Alright, I’m in,” Adam gave up and got a grateful cheek kiss, “Holy shit, Miles, what are you dragging me into…”

“Oh no, it’s they who started this,” Miles chuckled, and the couple left the club for a new, more exciting adventure. Or, maybe, a few of them.


End file.
